I can’t believe in just a few short months I will be a mama to two littles. With the upcoming change (and perhaps a touch of pregnancy hormones making me emotional) I have been reflecting on what I have learned over the last two years. Two years seems so recent and yet when I look back on the new-to-motherhood woman I was, it seems like a lifetime ago.
The biggest, and probably the toughest realization over the last two years is that being a mom is hard. There is no easy way to say it. It is simultaneously the most amazing, wonderful thing you will do in your life and also one of the most stressful, exhausting, and emotional roller coasters you’ll ever ride.
I have also learned that motherhood will show you strengths within yourself you never knew existed and yet despite those strengths you will have moments where you have never felt so unsure and so full of doubt.This stark contrast in emotions can be hard to process sometimes but it is all part of the journey. From the moment you find out you’re going to be a mom you start sacrificing bits of yourself to insure this little one will be the happiest, healthiest, most loved baby on the planet. You will survive on fewer hours of sleep than you ever though humanly possible. You will worry about how much they eat or if that slightly warm to the touch forehead means they’ve contracted the plague. You will google what normal diaper output looks like (is a 4 month old’s poop supposed to look like this??). And then when it all seems to be like it is becoming a bit too much, you will see that little squishy face asleep in your arms or you will hear their tiny giggle as they scream “a-giin mama a-giin!” and you will realize you are right where you are meant to be.
You will feel a love deeper than you could have ever imagined. This brand new person will cause your heart to swell a million times over. For the first time in your life you will truly experience unconditional love. For me this was when I first truly understood and appreciated all the little things my mom did when we were growing up. From cold dinners to sleepless nights, to being okay with never getting anything for herself…I finally understood. Being a mom really makes you appreciate all the other wonderful moms of the mama tribe.
So here I am, just a few short weeks away from adding another little one to our family. I am beyond excited, full of terror, worried for what this means for Asher, curious if I will be able to ‘mother’ them both well. There is so much I don’t know, so much I will worry about. But I know, no matter what, the title of “mama” has been the greatest role I have ever taken and even the toughest days will be worth it.