Lonely motherhood
Motherhood,  Simplicity

How I Turned My Lonely Day Around

A few weekends ago the hubs went out of town from early Saturday morning until late Sunday night. With him leaving so early Saturday the kids and I saw him last at bedtime Friday night. I have never been a person who is able to sit still and with the hubs out of town I felt the need to do something with friends or family. Something that would provide fun for my kiddos and a little adult conversation for me. So, I reached out to a few girlfriends and even my mom but everyone was busy and so it was just me and the littles for the weekend.

Now for some, this wouldn’t seem like a huge deal, but for me it didn’t take long before the bug of loneliness came creeping in. Before long each turn downed invite started feeling like a personal rejection. Of course I knew, logically, these wonderful people I happily call my friends and family were not actually rejecting me, but despite that it began to feel that way.

Before long, here I was, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon with my amazing kids, who were fully enjoying our simple day at home, feeling sad and rejected. I even called the hubs and let him in on feelings and he assured me that I was not being rejected and he even listened kindly while I complained of the pang of loneliness.

But as a mom, I didn’t have the time to dwell on these feelings so I marched on and played with my kiddos. Since i wasn’t feeling myself, I didn’t do my usual of planning all sort of activities, instead I let them guide our days. Other than going to church Sunday morning, we stayed home and the most wonderful things happened. We made a mess with play dough. We had a backyard picnic. We stayed up late watching cartoons, we ordered pizza and ate it in the living room, we played with water blasters and got soaked in non-swim clothes, we snuggled in the hammock in the shade looking at the clouds, and ended the night curled up together in my king bed. We had a day of simple, joyous fun. Just fun.

As I laid there, sweet, freshly bathed kiddos next to me, on Saturday night, I realized just how beautiful this life I have really is. Here I was feeling lonely when I had two little people who, for now, think I am the greatest person to hang out with.

Looking back at that weekend I realize something wonderful happened. My kids showed me the value of simple fun and lasting memories. We could have loaded up the car and gone to the zoo or to another playground or gone to any number of ‘events’. But instead I spent time, unadulterated time, with them. I was able to play the games they wanted, for as long as they wanted. I was able to dive into their world with no time restrictions other than biological ones such as food and bathroom breaks. We weren’t interrupted by computers, emails, phones or other people. We simply loved on one another.

That weekend, as simple as it was, holds a tender place in my heart. It has shown me a life I want more of. I want more time without plans. I want more time of simple wonder. I want more days without schedules. I want time to fully enjoy each other.

Now, of course, not every day can be without to-dos and schedules but the hubs and I are challenging ourselves to be more intentional with our time and our actions. We, like all families, have a life full of obligations to keep us going but we want to cut out the ‘extra’ and focus on getting the necessary done so we can continue enjoying the simple beauty of this life. Because at the end of the day I want more days like that weekend.

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