Motherhood

Emotional Mess Over Here

It’s nearing midnight and I am laying awake in bed while little E sleeps soundly next to me, her tiny rapid breaths reminding me I should be sleeping because she will be awake soon to eat. She had her 4 month check-up today and it is still so crazy to me that she is 4 months old!? Heck, it’s even crazier that Asher is almost 2 1/2! Between buying a house, selling a house, and managing the existence of our little family so much time seems to have passed without me really noticing. We closed on our new house this afternoon and we will close on our current home later this week. The time is finally here and we are days away from closing the book on our first home. All this packing and saying goodbye has me reminiscing quite a bit lately and it has hit me hard how quickly time passes. It doesn’t seem that long ago that we were engaged and then married moving into our first home and imagining the distant future with babies. Looking forward to getting pregnant and planning all the tiny details was so fun but it seemed like it would be so long before we would be holding our own baby. And now here I am 3 years and two babies/pregnancies later, and I can’t believe how monumental yet fleeting this season of life truly is. I was speaking with a friend earlier this week about how hard it is to accept the fact that a time of your life you look so forward to, comes and goes so quickly and before you know it your pregnant bellies, baby kicks, and tiny infants are just memories in the past.

I’ve found myself recently falling victim to mom-brain or perhaps it is mom-of-more-than-one brain as I am struggling to remember what Asher was like as an infant. Ellery has been laughing and talking sooo much lately and the hubs asked the other day “was Asher this talkative at this age?” and I was immediately saddened because I can’t remember the day to day existence of baby Asher. I mean, I can totally recall baby Asher and many memories of him but the details of it all are becoming more and more blurry as he grows older. Sure I have a million pictures and tons of videos to look back on but I wish I could remember more details about Asher as a tiny infant cooing and babbling away. Instead my mind goes to current sticky, lovable, inquisitive toddler Asher and sometimes it is really hard to remember how little he was. Now don’t get me wrong, I am loving this phase of toddler hood (for the most part), but man oh man do I struggle to accept how fast this crazy awesome life is moving. Sometimes I just want my tiny baby boy back so I can really soak up all those wonderful baby moments and memories. (total emotional mess over here ha!)
I am trying my hardest to find time in each day to slow down and really, really take in my babies so I don’t miss a thing. I like to look at their tiny faces, watch them discover the wonder of this world. I am trying to be better about putting away my phone and really, truly listening to Asher when he tells me his elaborate stories or sings his silly songs. I am trying to make the most of my days off of work and we are going on adventures (ie: library, park etc) and doing crafts and fun things. I love sitting back and watching the love grow between my babies as siblings. I am snapping a million pictures to capture our day to day because that’s just as important as the beautiful posed pictures. I am trying to remember to soak up the gentle, innocence that is my children right now. And I must say I have never been happier! These babies, my hubby, and all these little moments are the greatest gifts and I can’t stop thanking God for them.
I didn’t really see this post taking such an emotional turn (whoa feelings). Truthfully I was mostly going to tell you all how PUMPED we are to be heading into our new home soon and how I feel like a terrible mother (or that I am losing my mind) because I am finding myself struggling sometimes to remember Asher as a baby. I plan to share more about the house very soon! We are all very excited to get in and get settled. So before my mama heart melts into another puddle of emotions I am going to say goodnight. See you later friends!

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